Doctors

I should probably visit the Counseling and Psychological Services. I've been having some issues lately.

-Yesterday I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown where I somewhat randomly started crying during band practice before the game. Thankfully only the other rank 10 frosh noticed so it wasn't so bad. Basically the reason I freaked out was because I was having a difficult time marching even though the drill was really easy, mostly because I kept losing track of the counts and also because I had to leave early one day, missing the new moves added to the drills. In the last song I had to follow Alex in front of me. :( This is hard for me because all I really can contribute to rank 10 right now is my marching and if I'm not doing good then I'm only a liability to them. In the pre-game I was in my spot but the rank that moves perpendicular to us came too far back so instead of bisecting our rank between me and Matt, they split me and Alex, so that when we turned and did a pinwheel, I had to follow Matt. And then Alex yelled at me to get back in my "actual" spot. (the reason I hadn't done that earlier was because she was too close behind me for me to back up and because I figured I'd move when we completed the pinwheel and there was space to move. :/)
But something tells me I'm going to have another one soon which really isn't good.

-Lately I've been having a hard time concentrating and my mind continues to wander. I'd try really hard to concentrate but I get distracted easily.

-Lately I've been thinking about how my childhood experiences have shaped my actions today. That in itself isn't very...distressing, but seeing people (especially my non-frosh rank-mates) looking at me funny when I do something "weird" because of said experiences is distressing.

-I've been having other issues I don't really want to discuss here or with anyone so...urgh.

I just want to curl up and die. Especially since our second round of 4 o'clocks are coming up.

I'll make an appointment for this week. Oh, and I have to meet with my academic advisor for next semester's classes. I should take a band elective. Maybe then I'll be able to learn sax.

~E