Learning to Let Go

Emery room 315
August 31, 2010
8:52pm:


Letting go is hard to do. I can't imagine what it's like for a parent to let their child go to college. Humans are such a backwards species. We are monogamous and at the same time have the space in our hearts for infidelity. We have children, raise them for eighteen years and then let them go. Or sometimes we don't. Some animals abandon their young to fend for themselves. We don't. We hang on to our children for dear life. We raise them and dote on them and when it comes time to leave, we mourn their loss. We love our children so much that we are willing to do great things on their behalf. We're willing to scale mountains and put up with their antics all because we love them.

Mom just left today. I had dinner with her and Wayne at a Japanese restaurant and then they dropped me off at my dorm. Mom took pictures and then finally left. Now I feel so...empty. Living here was easier knowing that she was just a phone call away. I could call to have lunch or dinner or breakfast with her, to spend the night when I have a free morning, or to just talk. Now I have to calculate a 6-hour time difference in order to talk to her without ruining her rest. I can't go out to eat with her unless I have a couple thousand dollars to spend and about two days for travel to kill. Of course, I don't. I won't see her for nearly two months and it feels like it's a long time but at the same time I'm looking at the number and thinking: Is that really all I'll be away for?


I have nothing more to say, really, so I'll go and do some homework.

~E

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go.
-- Kate Winslet


My jesses are in your hand
My hood cinched, to be opened
at your command.
I can only fly
if you let me go.
~E


There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.
-- Author Unknown


True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.
-- Author Unknown

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown

Who needs to read a manual for a calculator?!

August 31, 2010, 9:33a

Emery room 315

of the events of August 30, 2010 and 

the morning of August 31, 2010:

Of August 30, 2010

Yesterday was my first day of classes. My schedule was as follows:

8:10a-9:00a: Calculus 21

9:10a-10:00a: Physics 11, Lecture

11:10a-12:00p: Global Citizenship Practicum

12:10p-1:00p: Introduction to Engineering Practices (Engineering 05)

7:10p-10:00p: Physics 12, Lab

I have been having trouble with my math class: Calculus 21 is a higher-level calculus which will guaranteed be difficult for me, considering I haven't taken a Calculus course in High School. And they say that math at Lehigh is "super hard-core" (it is a renowned Engineering school, after all). So I tried to switch it down to Math 075/076, which is a slower version of Math 021 (it is like Math 021 but covered over two semesters; I would have to catch up on Math 022 over the summer, but they say that some of the best students come from Math 075/076 and if I felt that I should be in a slower class, then they were willing to switch me). Anyway, you have to change your classes yourself. You get a code from your academic advisor (mine is this Japanese guy with a super strong accent. It's hilarious) and go on your "portal page" (every student has one) and go to change your courses. After many mishaps and trips to the Math Department (It's in a building called Christmas-Saucon...who doesn't think that's funny? And there are Christmas tree-like trees around the building, too!! :D ) I found that Math 075 would conflict with my Global Citizenship course and both courses have only one class. :( So I'm stuck in Math 021 and will need to find a campus tutor. :/

But anyway, my math teacher seems nice - his name is Changxe He, and, as the name says, is Chinese with a really strong accent. 

10 minutes later, in a building almost a New York City block down the road from my last class (if you're looking at a Lehigh map, like this one,http://www.lehigh.edu/~dlj0/pict/cmap.gif , my math class was in Chandler-Ullmann, which is number 17. My next class is number 16, I believe, and while that doesn't sound very remarkable, let me tell you that it's a loooooong way). My Physics 011 professor was really nice. He seemed very caring but since there were 200+ people in the lecture hall, I didn't get a chance to talk to him.

After a quick trip back to Emery to switch books, I went down to my Global Citizenship Practicum. It was a really unremarkable class, but it was pretty interesting because we watched a video on how social change in China is putting them in debt. That's kind of what it's about. 

Then I had 10 minutes to almost literally run from Rauche Business Center (number 37) to Packard Lab (number 17). It was a long way, but when I was there, I was surprised to find that I was fairly early. My professor's name is Keith Gardiner, and he's from England. He's an awesome teacher. He reminds me a bit of Tokes, only British. :D I don't have time now to go into detail of what he said that made him so awesome, but it was wonderful. :D I will love that class. (They have no final exams, so it's an added bonus :) )

I was free for a while after that so I went to lunch with Mom and Wayne. We went to Sonic for the first time, embarrassed ourselves, and had a wonderful time. We explored North Bethlehem for a bit and went into the Moravian Bookstore, which is the oldest running bookstore in the United States or something similar. I went back for the community/club fair on campus, got a bunch of free stuff (not as much as others, but that's because I have my pride and didn't want to sign up just to get pins or shirts :/) Went back up to my room, showered, changed, and then went to dinner with my Urban Ops group. Then I had to split and go off to my Physics 012 Lab. :( 

It was horrible. My professor said to do Experiment 1 in our booklets. IT'S A LIE!!! EXPERIMENT ONE IS NOT ONE SINGLE EXPERIMENT!! IT'S THREE!!! THREE LONG EXPERIMENTS!!!! I ended up staying in until 10:30p but I still didn't finish. I need to go back at 7:10p tonight to finish my last one, which I hear doesn't take very long.

But my reason for the title is that my calculator is stupid. Well, was. It's original setting made me resort to using the computer's calculator. When adding a series of numbers such as 3.6+3.5, etc., I got a fractional answer. So I had to read my manual, which was the thickness of my pinkie, to figure out how to change it back so that when I added 3.6+3.5, I got 7.1, not some fraction like 71/10 or something. >(

But yeah. I Skyped Connie and we had a nice chat while I did some Physics 011 work and read the book. :( I ended up staying up until 12:30a±15 minutes. 

Of the Morning of August 31, 2010:

I'm surprised I woke up this morning before my alarm. I got all of 6 hours of sleep last night due to homework. :( My first class was at 8:20a, but I was lucky because I woke up in time to be one of the first to breakfast. Thus, I could sit alone in a booth and read from my Physics book. Yes, I had Physics 011 again, but this time it was a recitation. For those that don't know what it is, a recitation is employed when there are large lectures and the teacher cannot answer individual questions (as Professor Licini said, if everyone asked a question during the class, each person would have 15 seconds to ask and he would have no time to answer). So recitations are small groups of Professor Licini or whoever's lecture that meet with a graduate student or another professor who then covers minor topics, brushes up on ideas covered quickly by the lecture professor, or answers questions and helps a little with homework. 

My recitation professor is a crazy old man. As Jenna would say, he's 'cuckoo for cocopuffs'. :/ He seems nice, though, but reminds me of the Visine Tears guy. The one with the monotone voice. xD He's such a geek, though, but he's super nice. I think it was just 'cause it's so early, though. He asked where we were all from and asked a bit about us, which was really cool of him. 

So next I have Calculus 021 (recitation) and Introduction to Global Citizenship, but they're not until 1-ish. :/ So I'm gonna do some work now. 

Jya!

~E

My New Alma Mater

Where the Lehigh's rocky rapids rush out from the West,
Mid a grove of spreading chestnuts, walls in ivy dressed.
On the breast of old South Mountain, reared against the sky,
Stands our noble Alma Mater, stands our dear Lehigh.


Like a watchman on the mountain, stands she grandly bold,
Earth's and Heaven's secret seeking, hoarding them like gold.
All she wrests from Nature's storehouse,
naught escapes her eye,
Gives she gladly to her dear ones, while we bless Lehigh.


We will ever live to love her, live to praise her name,
Live to make our lives add luster, to her glorious fame.
Let the glad notes wake the echo, joyfully we cry:
Hail to thee, our Alma Mater; Hail, all hail, Lehigh.

Cue Mission Impossible Theme....

August 25, 2010 in Emery room 315, 7:42 am

of the events of August 24, 2010:

Yesterday we went to New York City as our first (and, I think, only) mission. Centennial I (my complex) had to be ready to roll outside near the Centennial I Commons by 6:20a. Richards, further down the road, had to be ready by 6:10a, so I'm not really complaining. Anyway, our driver was late so we showed up late at the mission briefing, but everyone else was late, too.

They showed us a video map of the world with where everyone was from. It went like this:

A group leader (squad leader)'s name would be shown and where he/she was from. Following them would be their squad, each showing where they are from. There was a dot for New York and a dot for the person's state of origin. A red line would move to connect the state of origin to New York. The only one as far or farther than me was this boy named Alex and he was from France. He's a pretty cool guy.

We were given an envelope of missions and four sealed envelopes to open at certain times. We had three meetings with different Lehigh alum that we had to somehow get to in the specified times. It was interesting to see the different jobs they had, but it wasn't very interesting, at least to me. Especially the last one, because we were all tired so we tried valiantly not to fall asleep. It was kind of funny because I saw a few people nodding but they'd wake up before he could notice them. It's kind of bad, but funny to watch.

So we had a photo scavenger hunt with a list of things we could do with certain sections requiring more or less. We had a budget of $200, with $50 reserved for tolls and parking along the way. Once parked, we walked down and our squad leader, Arthur, power-walked us to our first meeting (even though we were supposed to figure it out ourselves) because we were late due to traffic.

When we first stepped out of the parking lot, I looked around at the crowds and the taxis and the New York Times building (it was across the street) and said to myself: ohmygod! It wasn't as crowded as I expected, but it was pretty crowded for a Hawaii girl. People rushed past you like you were a rock in a river. If they bumped you sometimes they'd mumble something but otherwise they didn't – they'd hunch over and keep walking as if drawn by an invisible string to their destination. The thing in New York City is that it's the worst place to be a tourist. People rush around and bustle around, hardly wanting to stop to give directions that you can't walk and look up. Even if you stop and look up people will bump into you.

My first breath of big city air was like a punch in the throat. It was like Las Vegas crossed with fire smoke, crossed with mold and grim and ickyness. I immediately started coughing for a few steps before I slowly got used to breathing such noxious air.

Sorry to cut off so abruptly but I need to head down to breakfast. I have an hour to eat before I have to be down at the bottom of campus. I'll resume this tale when I have time.

Jya!

~E

August 25, 2010 in Emery room 315, 2:27 pm

of the events of August 24, 2010:

We went all over the place in New York. It was pretty cool. We visited the UN (very briefly), poked our heads in Central Park, walked around Times Square, saw the Trump Tower, and hit a few shops for souvenirs. We stopped by the American Museum of Natural History (or something similar) but didn't go inside. Most of the group wanted to see the 59-foot blue whale displayed there but it didn't matter so much to me, especially since we have one in the Bishop Museum. :/

I don't think there's anything much more to add. The air was pretty bad, but I got used to it. I think I'll be coughing up New York gunk for a while, but it's nothing too serious.

I don't have anything more to add about New York, so I'll go on my bed and do some reading. I'll write later tonight on today's events.

Jya!

~E

Moving In...

August 25, 2010 in Emery room 315, 7:30 am

of the events of August 23, 2010:

There's nothing much to say of that day, really. We checked in on Mountaintop Campus, Iacocca Hall (which was named for one of the designers at Chrysler for his contributions to the school) and drove down to Emery where we then lugged all my stuff up to my room.

The room itself is pretty cool. I thought it would be a whole lot smaller, but it's a decent size. Livable. I was the first of my room to show up, so I got first dibs on the beds so I chose the one that's blocked from the door because I am messy. :/ We left my roommate, Bianca, her gifts (a blue pareo and a box of coconut cookies) and ran out to Walmart to pick up a bunch of things like desk supplies, hampers, storage bins, Kleenex, Swiffer Dusters, hangers, band-aids, Clorox wipes, Febreeze, etc.

My room was soooo musty when we walked in, it was like walking into a casino in Vegas, only we didn't smell cigarettes. I've been Febreezing the room every day (or night) and opening the windows. Today I kept the windows partially open so the room could air out. It's the only thing I don't like about my room.

Otherwise, everything's fine. Bianca, my roommate, seems to be similar to me in that we like red but hate pink. She looks pretty and preppy, but she seems really tom-boyish, minus the t-shirt and jeans look. I don't know, though. I only met her for about fifteen to twenty minutes on Monday, so, I don't really know. She's on another preLUsion, the Outdoor Adventure one. I hear they're camping, so I don't see her when I return to the room from Urban Ops.

I don't think there's anything more to add here.

Jya,

~E

Easy to go to bed grumpy

I had a summer reading assignment. I read the book early in the summer (it was Three Cups of Tea) but found out this month that I had a paper to write. Working on the paper took me a while because it was kind of irritating, especially the questions. I just finished tonight, having been unable to finish it due to packing. Now mom's mad at me because I don't have Microsoft Word on my new laptop and I just found out about it. It looks like I have Microsoft Word but it's only an icon - I have to enter the product key to use it. >( Mom's mad because I just figured this out (I'm sorry, but I haven't exactly used my new laptop until now, as my word programs were on the desktop). I uploaded Open Office on my laptop so that the files I had on my desktop were compatible with my laptop so if need be I could work on it. Now when I try to print it in the hotel business center...Open Office works but doesn't have the same formatting.

The interesting thing is that I have to put down a certain number on the top of it - a number I get at orientation. Which means that I don't have to print it now.... I gotta check that.

Over and out...

~E

PS. Turns out it wasn't due until September 6.

I have my own printer in my room now. Gonna print it out there.

~E

D.C., Hagerstown, and on to Bethlehem

Written in Holiday Inn Express, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania,
date: August 22, at 3:29p:


We just finished our drive here. Our plane ride(s) were rather uneventful but so ridiculously boring. Caught a few z's on our two smaller flights, but our overall flights were as follows:

Hawaii to Vegas on Hawaiian
At Vegas: 2-hour lay-over
Vegas to Memphis on Delta
At Memphis: another 2-hour layover
Memphis to D.C. on Delta

In D.C. we met Uncle Dave and Malia at the airport which was nice and got all our bags and stuff. We were relieved to find that they all came through all right. My lei (I got one from Grandma and one from dad, this nice pikake one with small pink roses) barley survived the whole trip. (Apparently when pikake dies, it turns purple and brown. Didn't know that :/ )

We had lunch with Uncle Dave and Malia, loaded our bags in their car which they're lending to us, and then drove to meet Aunty Laurie and Uncle Chris in Hagerstown, MD. We stayed a night at their house with their huge dog, Jake. I slept on the couch. x)

Then we went to Golden Corral for breakfast (it's the best thing - there should be one in Hawaii!!!) and then departed for a few-hour trip to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. We had a GPS (a Garmin) which I named Flo, like the crazy Geico girl. I'm glad we didn't have the GPS version of Jenna or we'd all die. x)

So we just got into the hotel. Made a few rest stops and went through half a book but not much more. It's all very shortened because I have to finish my summer reading essay and print it out. I'd do it now after I type this but mom wants to drive over to Lehigh. :/ Anyway, that's why all this was all shortened. I'll write more later.

~E

Last Day in Paradise

Today I spent with fam and friends. Picked up Jenna in the morning and we both went to "breakfast" and then school. After that I went to lunch with Aunty Donna, Noah, Aunty Laurie, and Malia at CPK in Ala Moana. There I was STUFFED, and THEN I went to dinner with dad at Monterey Bay's. He wanted a steak and lobster dinner, since we used to go to those a lot and oh. my. GOD. I feel like if you poke me anywhere NEAR my stomach I'll explode. Urgh. I feel fat. :( But MAN was the dinner great. x)

Got my laptop bag for Misi (my laptop) courtesy of dad from Best Buy. :) Now I'm off to clean my room and check for any last-minute things I want to pack. Of course, I'll find some, and we have another suitcase for "overflow" and a small one each for carry-ons. Mom and Wayne, I think, are going to pack a bag for themselves but I get the bulk of it, just like when Nicol went up for college.

I'm just so...weary right now. It's not necessarily a physical weariness, but it's also a mental and emotional one. I didn't leave yet and I'm missing all of my friends already. James, Jenna, Mary, Aunty Terri, Aunty Annie and the Ark crew...

I am SOOOO gonna bawl my eyes out tomorrow. It's not even funny.

Note to self: pack Kleenix in Misi's bag. Gonna need it.

~E

Packing Peril

Just finished packing tonight. Soo tired.

What happened actually was that I was somewhat packed for a while. Throughout this week and last week I think I had begun to pile my stuff into the storage room where I kept my bags. Jeans, shirts, blouses, dresses, and cold-weather coats all went into the room. Mom kept going after me to pack but I was doing it on my own, really. Funny thing is that because there wasn't much space (we had piles of cardboard boxes for my Farewell Party at Kaka'ako Park) so I had put them in my suitcases, mostly so I could save space and see how well they fit. Mom, though, kept going after me for doing (what I supposed) was the right thing - in putting my clothes in the bags. Alas, it was not so and I had to take everything out so that I could put it all back in tonight.

In any case I got some new stuff, like a curling iron and a nice mu'umu'u to take up. Aunty Kehau got me some Uggs and I have some coats and cold-weather gear from Aunty Gwen and Aunty Donna. I have stuff for omiage (coffee, mac nuts, shell lei, key chains, a pareo for my roommate, and some coconut cookies which are also for my roommate) as well as my own little trinkets.

So anyway, tomorrow is my last full day in the Islands and a lot of people want to see me. Tomorrow I plan to go and visit a few of my teachers to say goodbye and a few of my friends who are unable to leave school to see me off. (I leave at 2:30, I believe) I'm only going to stay at school for a short time before I leave to go to Aunty Laurie's house so we can all go to lunch. Then, after that, I go to pick up mom, bring her home, and then go with dad to dinner somewhere. So busy...

But, amazingly, I fit most of my stuff into three bags. I got a luggage set for my birthday this year, and used the two largest ones to put most of my stuff in. As a graduation gift from mom's office I got a Lehigh bag, umbrella, sweater-snuggie-thing, a bunch of pens, and a really cool Lehigh rain jacket. Most of my omiage was packed incognito in my suitcases but some of them didn't fit so I put them in my snuggie-thing and shoved them in my bag which then fit into the box carrying the cooler to take manapua to Uncle Dave. My biggest bag was around 45 lb, and the smaller one was weighed in around 31, but I added a little more stuff to it so it may have gone up to 35 lb.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say for tonight. I'm gonna go shower and go to bed and sleep like a rock...at least until 6:00 tomorrow. x) Gotta go pick up Jenna and visit school.

Jya!

~E